The Christmas adverts start. The family dinner dates land in the diary. And somewhere in the middle of all of it, someone asks the question you have been dreading since October.
If you are trying to conceive, navigating a loss, or living with involuntary childlessness, the festive season is not just a busy time of year. It can feel like running a gauntlet dressed as a celebration. The joy around you does not cancel out the pain within you. It can amplify it. And that is not weakness. That is human.
In the penultimate episode of 2025, eight of the most compassionate and knowledgeable voices in the fertility community shared what they know about surviving and sometimes even finding small moments of meaning in the holidays.
You do not have to shrink yourself to make others comfortable
This was the thread that ran through the entire conversation. So much of the pressure people feel at this time of year is self-imposed — the sense that you should smile through it, deflect gracefully, not make things awkward for other people. But protecting your own wellbeing is not selfish. It is necessary.
“You don’t need to shrink yourself to make other people comfortable. Protecting your peace is not selfish. It is necessary.”
That sounds simple. In practice, at a dinner table with people who love you and do not fully understand what you are carrying, it is one of the harder things to hold onto. Which is why having some language prepared before you arrive matters.
What to say when the questions come
The community shared a set of phrases that can help when the conversation turns somewhere difficult. None of them require an explanation. None of them invite follow-up questions. They are gentle, firm, and entirely yours to use.
- “We’re focusing on us right now but thank you for thinking of us.”
- “That’s something we’re keeping between us for now.”
- “I’d love to talk about something else how are you doing?”
- “We’ll share news when there’s news to share.”
- “I’m going to pop to the kitchen can I get you anything?”
Having even one or two of these in your pocket before an event can make an enormous difference to how much emotional energy you spend on moments you did not choose.
Permission slips for the season
One of the most resonant themes across the whole episode was permission. Not permission from anyone else — permission you give yourself. Here is what the community said you are allowed to do this December.
- Skip events that feel too painful right now
- Leave early without explanation or apology
- Cry, grieve, and feel it fully without guilt
- Find small, quiet moments of joy without feeling like a traitor to your pain
- Ask your partner, friend, or community for support
- Put your wellbeing first — every single day
Men carry this too
Kev Button, founder of The Man Cave, contributed something important to this conversation: a reminder that grief and struggle in fertility do not have a gender. Men carry the weight of this quietly and often invisibly. The Man Cave exists because that silence has a cost — and because community and honest conversation are just as necessary for the men navigating this as they are for anyone else.
Finding your people
Solo parenthood, donor conception, surrogacy, loss, involuntary childlessness — every part of the fertility experience has a community around it, if you know where to look. Mel Johnson, Michael Johnson-Ellis, Kreena Dhiman, Aisha Balisaria, and Vanessa Haye all brought their own corners of that community into this episode.
You do not have to carry any of this alone. That is not a platitude. It is what a decade of these conversations has shown, again and again. Listen here
