In this episode, Natalie is flying solo as this is an audio account of her visit to Bourn Hall, Cambridge to talk about the decision to donate your frozen embryos to science. At the start of the episode, you do hear Natalie getting a bit upset as she recorded herself the day before the trip, so please do bear this in mind in case it triggers you. Since we shared it Natalie has spoken on BBC 5 Live with Emma Barnett about this topic and more recently in Sept 2022, Natalie spoke with Emma and Gabby on the Big Fat Negative poddy
The Counsellor
Jackie Stewart and Natalie talked about the decision to donate to science. Jackie explained what implications counselling is and how important it is to give yourself the opportunity to discuss this difficult decision with regards to the proposed treatment
What you can do with your embryos
Continue to store until you are ready to have more treatment or decide what you want to do with them. Some people may just donate or let them go. Other decisions include donating to another couple, you would be screened as a donor and there are certain requirements again needs implications counselling. Natalie and Jackie discussed the importance for both of you to have counselling if possible
Grief
Natalie talked about how Jackie had helped her prepare to grieve once she had made the decision. Jackie explained if you had a dream of having more than one child and those plans have been affected by fertility treatment, then there is a sense of loss. The pair also discussed the sadness of feeling the grief of not being able to give your child a sibling.
The grieving process is there for anyone suffering from infertility and secondary infertility. Also discussed was what grief enabled Natalie to do. Walking through options is a fascinating experience – it can be uplifting, looking at what life will look like. There was a conversation about the option to do a natural cycle with your remaining embryo something Natalie hadn’t considered
Don’t see Counselling as a weakness
It is to support your feelings and be able to walk through your fears and the enabling ideas, all the different options and ideas. If you can do it as a couple or not, it’s still a very brave thing to do. The risk of not doing it means the decision goes around and around inside your head and you can’t move forward, sitting in the limbo period and it’s a constant source of stress. It is such a difficult decision because
Timeframe
You can’t rush this especially if you are coming up to the end of a storage period and you might need to rush a decision, call your clinic and explain you need more time which is what Natalie did.
Language around this decision
The use of words like perish, discard and destroy is far from ideal and there was a conversation about how this could be improved. Jackie talked about how difficult it is to hear and prefers to use ‘let go’. Get help, implications counselling should be available for free from your clinic.
Martin Blaney – Director of Science at Bourn Hall
Martin explains the paperwork and what information it gives you such as details of the research that is taking place and how the HFEA requires that you are given full info about the specifics of the project. It is a lengthy procedure that you have to go through to make sure you are fully informed. There are constant forms and lots of information.
The first content form is about the process then follow up about the topic and then a third consent form for you to say you are wanting to go ahead. Legally in the UK embryos can be stored for 10 years, theoretically, there is no storage limit they can remain in that state indefinitely. The paperwork is so detailed to make sure you are fully informed. There are constant forms and lots of information. Once an embryo is used within a programme it can’t be in the lab for longer than 14 days.
How research helps understand more about implantation failure
Research into how the embryo grows and develops and the relationship between that and the endometrium. suggests it is down to whether the embryo is genetically correct and the endometrium is also OK so the womb is also studied. Most focus is on the embryos, as they are easier to look at – finding out about chromosomal abnormalities be understood. Martin spoke about the gift of an embryo and how to fine-tune the research they need more embryos and it is such a precious resource and so difficult to come by. There is never enough
Language around embryos
Can it be changed? Well, Natalie put it to Martyn who said it would be taken into consideration. The science has to convey what will happen literally however Natalie explained the impact of seeing words such as destroy and discard and how emotive they are.
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