How do you cope when IVF doesn’t work?

Yesterday, I had a day all encompassed in infertility. I visited The Agora Clinic in Hove, as part of my next season of clinic visits with Access Fertility which you can currently listen to here and then I saw my best pal, who had treatment and is now mother of 2 year old twins from her third cycle plus a nearly 1 year old who was a ‘surprise’ – this is from a couple who were told they would never have children. Needless to say, they went to another clinic for a succesful third round and then mother nature blessed them. Still it was a hugely emotional rollercoaster.

Then, I made my way into London to see  The Quiet House at The Park Theatre.  The play is running in conjunction with Fertility Fest, this Saturday 11th June which I’ll be going to and making a bumper podcast episode which I’ll share with you on Sunday.  The Quiet House is about a couple’s struggle to conceive, written by Gareth Farr who along with his wife Gabby went through four rounds of IVF before they conceived twins. Whilst the play isn’t autobiographical however, it does contain one phrase the pair included to represent their experience, said by ‘Dylan’ the husband during the dreaded two week wait.. ‘Today is going to be a good day’.


A tender moment with Jess and Dylan

A tender moment with Jess and Dylan

I found the whole process of watching the play really emotional ( more than I had expected ) it felt like I was reliving my fertility treatment, going through the injections, the collection, the transfer.. I was surprised at how the tears were falling. Don’t get me wrong, I laughed as well, there are moments of joy and sadness in this honest account.

The play highlights how you only really know what it feels like if you are going through it…and it also highlighted to me, how I have no idea how it feels when a cycle doesn’t work.. We were so fortunate in that our treatment worked first time and I count my lucky stars each day for that however I wanted to just say to you, if you’re currently thinking about ‘another go’ after a cycle didn’t work.. know you’re not alone. Know there’s lots of us affected 1 in 6.. that’s a lot of people in the world.

On my way home I read an interview Gareth had given to Anya Sizer author of Fertility Matters and the pair talked about the laughter they had shared during the support group that Anya ran and Gareth and Gabby attended. We never went to a support group and looking back I so wish we had, so maybe it’s worth thinking about if you have found yourself starting again, or starting for the first time.  If you don’t know who to ask, INUK is a good started point or I’m sure Anya won’t mind if you tweet her