Is there every going to be a good time to hear the words “you’re going to need to have fertility treatment, you can’t get pregnant on your own”. No, of course not. We found out on 23rd December 2013. It was awful. I remember the moment so clearly is makes me feel strange still just thinking about it. Having been through the tests via the GP, we’d gone to a clinic to have some further tests done, I think my AMH levels and another semen analysis for my other half. We sat down in front of the consultant and he just started our chat by saying to my husband ‘Well the problem is with you so you’ll need to have ICSI’. I felt sick.. I have no idea how my husband felt at that very moment. The rest of the discussion was a bit of a blur and we fumbled our way into our car and drove home. Shell shocked. Needless to say it ruined Christmas. We were due to go to my family the next day and my husband became instantly withdrawn. He spent a lot of time over Christmas in our room. There were tears, it was very sad. We talked about it and reached a more positive point of at least we had a ‘next step’ and a process to go through. We’d also been told we were eligible for NHS funding and knowing what I know now about the postcode lottery – that was a blessing as at the time the CCG we were going to be with were offering three rounds.
Once we had processed the whole experience we actually made a complaint to the clinic about how we felt we were treated. After looking the consultant up on the clinics website, we were astonished to find he was the Medical Director considering he had such a lack of empathy. Our complaint was acknowledged and we were offered further tests with the clinic to make up for it. Needless to say, we never went back. But I would take on board that if you’re unhappy with how you are spoken to at any point of your fertility treatment – speak up about it. Whilst it’s tricky processing all the information you are being given, you should be handled with care when going through it. I hear more and more stories of this not being the case and is down to us, those going through it to speak up about our feelings. Ask questions if you’re not sure. I’ve now visited a good number of clinics for my podcast and am told time and time again, there is no stupid questions.
If you are approaching this Christmas, having just found out you need treatment I feel for you. Try not to let it take over this festive time. Make sure you and your partner, or if it’s just you – are kind to yourself and each other. Take time to be alone, or with your other half. Think of 2017 being a new chapter in your journey and at midnight on December 31st, take a moment to visualise your future with your baby.
It’s never a good time to be told that your route to parenthood isn’t how you expected it to be, but once you know, you can hopefully do something about it.
Over the next few weeks I’ll be sharing previous podcast episodes which might be of interest if you’re doing any Christmas road trips and want to hear other people’s stories and expert opinions. I’ll be on twitter and facebook if you want to rant. My 2017 resolution is to be more engaged with my listeners, so if you’ve been listening let me know. Let’s chat.
Remember, with all of this, you’re not alone.
Wishing you love and optimism